I know the simple answer is something to the tune of, be happy with the body you have, but keep working for the body you dream of. But you see, it's not that easy. What do I do with all my too small pants now? Pack another box? Donate them? And they're my daily motivation. Only having a few pairs of pants to pick from is boring. Every morning when I see the clothes I want to wear, I feel motivated to keep working toward my goal. Every time a pair of pants is a little tight, it is a constant reminder to stay on track. It's also a constant reminder that my body is not what I want it to be.
Being happy with my body while continually striving to improve it is proving to be difficult. I read a line today that said, "If you want to be happy, be." Thank you Tolstoy Leo. I do want to be happy. I don't know the answer to the pants question, but I know that obsessing over it is neither helping me lose weight, nor making me happier.
Tonight I pledge to be happy, but not complacent. I'm making progress daily, and that's something to be happy about.
I wrote this post a few days ago, but couldn't convince myself to publish it, and I wasn't sure why. Today I learned why it wasn't quite ready. I went to mass this morning by myself. It was kind of glorious to be able to pay attention without a baby gnawing on my shoulder. The priest reading the gospel today is from India and my inability to understand him due to his strong accent is generally frustrating. However, today I tuned him out and read the gospel at my own pace and oh boy was it written just for me!
Matthew 6:24-34
Jesus said to his disciples:
“No one can serve two masters.
He will either hate one and love the other,
or be devoted to one and despise the other.
You cannot serve God and mammon.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life,
what you will eat or drink,
or about your body, what you will wear.
Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds in the sky;
they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns,
yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are not you more important than they?
Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?
Why are you anxious about clothes?
Learn from the way the wild flowers grow.
They do not work or spin.
But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor
was clothed like one of them.
If God so clothes the grass of the field,
which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow,
will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith?
So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’
or ‘What are we to drink?’or ‘What are we to wear?’
All these things the pagans seek.
Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness,
and all these things will be given you besides.
Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.
Sufficient for a day is its own evil.”
“No one can serve two masters.
He will either hate one and love the other,
or be devoted to one and despise the other.
You cannot serve God and mammon.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life,
what you will eat or drink,
or about your body, what you will wear.
Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds in the sky;
they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns,
yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are not you more important than they?
Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?
Why are you anxious about clothes?
Learn from the way the wild flowers grow.
They do not work or spin.
But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor
was clothed like one of them.
If God so clothes the grass of the field,
which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow,
will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith?
So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’
or ‘What are we to drink?’or ‘What are we to wear?’
All these things the pagans seek.
Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness,
and all these things will be given you besides.
Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.
Sufficient for a day is its own evil.”
I've bolded the lines that really spoke to me. I am a chronic worrier. I over-analyze, plan, pray, and think far too much about things that are completely out of my control. The line "Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?" is exactly what I needed to hear. No, it can't.
Worrying about how soon I will fit into my pre-baby clothes again doesn't help me lose weight. Squeezing into too small pants doesn't help me lose weight. Being unhappy with my current size doesn't help me lose weight. I need to follow God's words and, "Not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself." Take on today. What will I do today to get closer to my goal? What will I do to make myself ultimately happy, not just happy in the moment?
